Millions of dollars are spent on useless studies. Take for example a study that finds that happier people are healthier. Really? No freakin’ kidding. You know what would make me happy? If people would stop spending millions of dollars on studies to tell me how great it is to be happy. How about a study that tells me that working in Dante’s eight circle of hell will give me a butt you can bounce quarters off of. Now that I’d like to read more about.

This one just makes me die: Professor Grzywacz of Wake Forest University School of Medicine says workers are happier when their work place isn’t like a prison. Seriously? No way! The illustrative professor stated that workers are happier when they are given the option of having a flexible schedule, timeshares and working from home.  I wonder if the professor is trying to send a message to his bosses and higher-ups. Otherwise, I see absolutely no purpose for ever undertaking such a study--unless to make oneself look busy.

The University of North Carolina School of Public Health spent precious resources in reaching the most obvious conclusion that kids who have toys to play with are more active. Boy—that’s quite a novel concept. I thought that a child in front of a television with a bag of chips and a Mountain Dew is much more active than a child on a little league team. I was so wrong.

Did you know that being fat makes you sad and that being sad makes you fat? I have no comment on this one other. No, really, I don’t. Except that I’m rolling my eyes as I write this.

How ‘bout this one: people drive better when they’re not on their cell phones. Wow. This is a novel concept. You mean that when someone is downloading ring tones while texting their friends about the hot mess of a woman who just crossed the street in front of them means that they are being distracted drivers? That’s some crazy conclusion.

The most recent study that makes me extra animated is one I came across in Reuters. Researchers at the University of Connecticut found that men who harass women with “cat calls” and “sexual comments” are actually harming their whole gender.  First, what the heck is a “cat call”? Second, who cares?

The researchers asked 114 undergrad female students to watch videos and imagine themselves as taking part in a situation where a man made a sexist remark to a woman or just greeted her. The students were then asked to rate their anxiety levels as well as their anger and fear towards men.

The study found that women took the sexist remarks as an insult to their gender and exhibited anger towards not only the men in the videos but men in general.

And how is that different from what women do on a daily basis? Every day I have to deal with men and every day I feel anger towards them. I don’t need a stupid study to tell me that.  

Seriously, these researchers should find new study topics. I, for example,would like to read the results of a study that details why all men are bad drivers. Now that’s a great study topic.