Oh to be a billionaire. Sigh. What a tough life that would be. Gee, it would be so hard to even get up in the morning. In the words of our esteemed veep, it’s such a “big *&!%ing deal” that I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself!

Obviously, I’m feeling spunky today. And you know what, who freakin’ wouldn’t? Not only is it Friday and I’m facing another weekend of the hubby screaming at the t.v. thanks to the NCAA tournament, but I just read the lurid details of the Getty divorce and I’m about ready to vomit.

Gordon Peter Getty Jr. is the heir to the more than $2 BILLION Getty fortune and from all accounts, he is about to or probably has squandered all that money away.

Gordon Peter’s money hails from J.Paul Getty, the founder of the Getty Oil Company, who in 1957 was named the richest living America. At the time of his death, he was worth more than $2 billion. According to his Wikipedia page, Getty was an avid art and antiquities collector which was the basis of the famed J. Paul Getty Museum in LA. At the time of his death, over $661 million was left to the museum.

Now all that money lies in peril. Gordon Peter is getting a divorce from the she-devil herself, Jacqueline Getty. The lovebirds were married in 2000 and according to divorce papers just filed, they lived an extravagant and wasteful life.

Jacqueline, ever the conservative and doting wife, is attempting to extort, oops, I mean secure, a monthly spousal support check of $539,201. This figure includes $314,727 in expenses a month and the remaining $200,000….well, who knows what that’s for. Most Americans don’t make that much money in five years let alone wash it all away in one month.

$300,000 to $500,000 per year on clothing (somewhat understandable ); $50,000 on Halloween parties (read, plural--parties!); $40,000 for birthday parties; Jewelry including 5 carat diamond earrings; Trips to the private Getty estate in Hawaii 3-4 times a year; Trips on the Getty private jet (737); A bed worth $1 MILLION.

Who needs to sleep on a million dollar bed? That’s just ridiculous. They probably didn’t even spend time in that bed—hence the divorce. Ouch—I know, I know—that was a low blow!

The documents further reveal that they kept art work such as paintings by Jackson Pollock in storage!

This is insane. I would love to be the judge in this case because I would give that gold digger nothing; not even a red cent. The average American makes less in a year than she spent on her stupid Halloween parties. Give me a break, Jacqueline. A Halloween party? Just give people some candy and wine and it's a party. No one will know the difference. 

Actually, I revise my position. I would give her money: to get intensive therapy. She is the epitome of CRAZY!