Have you ever heard anyone say, “I’m living vicariously through you”? I’ve had that said to me and I shrug it off as absolutely pure nonsense. But, when I caught myself saying it to a dear friend recently, I started to think about what this saying really means. Is it a bit of the “grass is always greener on the other side” or something along the lines of, temporarily, I’d like to escape my current life for something else—something, a bit more exotic? More importantly, how do I shake this sort of thinking when it invariably creeps up at the most inopportune time.

Part of me thinks that when I actually uttered those insipid words, I was thinking that if I could do over the last fifteen years of my life, I’d completely make different decisions. Not that the decisions I made were bad, I would just….well, if I knew back then what I know now—that sort of gibberish. This sort of thinking becomes really unhealthy. Should we call it that ever-dreaded “toxic” title? It does absolutely nothing positive for our mental psyche or stability. Maybe that’s why, when I catch myself thinking or saying those words, I mentally berate myself for doing precisely that which I hate; at least for the sake of my sanity.

This isn’t to suggest that the mantra of “everything happens for a reason” should make you feel better if your life is hitting a rough patch and you find yourself longing to be in someone else's shoes. To me though, at the very least, it means that one should always look forward and never rethink or regret. It’s really self-preservation. As someone (Confuscious, I think) once said, you should never look back because you might see someone chasing after you.

So what do we do when we are stuck in the proverbial woe-is-me rut? Well, for me, it involves planning a fun weekend with lots of female friends, completely inappropriate conversation and the occasional glass or two or ten of wine. It brings together a nice healthy mix of hysterics, laughter, tears and common-sense advice.  Most importantly, what ultimately emerges is a new outlook on life and the bonds of friendship strengthened.

These sorts of “bonding” activities really do far more than merely make you need a couple of days off from work to recuperate. They help to clear your mind, find some balance, and most importantly, smack yourself out of thinking that this “vicariously living through you” gobbledygook was ever a good thought to have.