I've never been really good at keeping quiet or reserving my discussions to topics of the weather, but, I've at least struggled to be diplomatic. I don't mean diplomacy in any politically informed way. Instead, I mean, being courteous and conscientious of what comes out of my mind so as not to offend people. But, is being diplomatic even worth it? Isn't there some benefit in just saying what's on my mind or what I think?

It's an uphill battle for me to be (or at least try to be) consciously diplomatic when it comes to Facebook. Half of the people posting status updates and photos on the site deserve some sass from me--at least that's my humble opinion--but I've somehow managed to keep my mouth zippered shut. That in and of itself is an amazing feat! Nonetheless, I really, really, really with a cherry on top would just LOVE to  tell some Facebookers to just shove it where the sun doesn't shine; maybe I could even say it in more colorful terms. No, I don't care about your baby's successful poop. No, I don't care to see the hundred photos you've taken of yourself posing in the bathroom and blowing kisses. No, I don't care about the thousandth time you have now broken up and made up with, accused, cornered, and verbally thrashed your love interest. No, I just don't care. But of course there's no button on the status updates that says "I Don't Care." That would be great, though. I'd probably be one of the top users of that feature. Note to self: email Zuckerberg with that request.

In my life outside of the ethereal realm of the internet, I've lately been searching for that proper, diplomatic way of telling someone to just "shut up." The excuse of having another call coming in only works so many times and, of course, it doesn't work when that jibbering fool is seated next to  you. Case in point. Yesterday my husband and I went to a fancy schmancy dinner event at Mon Ami Gabi entitled Hemingway in Paris. The event was presented in part by the Art Institute of Chicago and included a wonderful presentation of Hemingway's time spent in the French city along with some of the relevant art work from that period of his life.  One would think that if you pay a nice chuck of money for an event, you'd at least  listen to the presentation. Nope. The pompous ass next to me couldn't keep his trap shut. He had an editorial about everything and certainly, he knew much too much for his own good. Aside from me giving him the evil eye about a dozen times, I just couldn't find a nice way to tell him to put a sock in it. After the presentation, he was still pontificating on his mind's newest interest. At one point, I literally put my hand to his mouth and shut his lips. That may have been the bubbles-going-to-my-brain kind of moment but regardless, he got the point. He certainly protested my actions and gave me the whole "who do you think you are" speech but hey, at least the buffoon was silenced!

In some of my sober moments, I struggle to be so bold. Recently I got into a heated argument with someone and the entire time all I wanted to do was tell her to shove it. Again, I struggled to find the diplomatic words for that. Somewhere after about 100 text messages back and forth, I finally found the courage to tell her to "stop talking to me." Now why couldn't I have just said that in the beginning? Probably because it wouldn't be diplomatic......