A dirty thought just came into my mind. No, not that kind of dirty. Dirty--as in a broken down cruise ship in the middle of the ocean with no running water or electricity and extra stinky, backed up toilets and spoiled spam sandwiches. There's a few people who immediately come to mind as being ideal candidates to stick on said ship. Is this thinking wrong? Oh to hell with it, it's cathartic!

It's no secret that I've been away from writing for a few weeks as my life's been nothing short of a rollercoaster. You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Well I think I'm just coming out a freakin' tsunami. At least I had my rain boots on... though that's not saying much.

At any rate, I've gotten to thinking now--a dangerous pastime, I know--but, maybe there is something about that pesky little notion that whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. It's as if when we're tested by some inordinate pressure or stress or demand, our bodies kick into automatic pilot and we just go. After the run, when we look back, bruised and probably broken, we often think, I don't know how I survived this or, I could never do this again. That's been a very poignant thought/lesson in my life. Maybe that's why I'm so gosh darn hard and demanding on myself and on others. I often say that if someone would "walk a day in my shoes" they'd see why I am how I am....there's no sugarcoating here: my world is only black and white.

But, I also get to thinking that maybe all of us absolutely have to go through these hellish situations to give us a perspective on our lives, one that we could never get elsewhere, that crystal clear, no grayness kind of perception. It's this perspective that teaches us that maybe not everyone who is nice to our face sings the same tune when we walk away; maybe the person who we think will bend heaven and earth to our feet really doesn't give two shits about us if the times get rough; and maybe, just maybe, some people are only in our lives for egoistic reasons.

These egoists suffer from a nasty case of narcissism. But, does narcissism really exist? According to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (due out in 2013, and known as DSM-5), narcissistic personality disorder has been eliminated from the list and from its prevalence in society. Now, maybe these researchers all live in vacuums with little more than a mute rat, but I can certainly attest to the fact that narcissism is not only around, its rampant--and it sure as hell isn't dead or dying out!

A recent New York Times article detailed that we everyday folk think that a narcissist is nothing more than someone who is self-involved with the conversation always being about them. The article goes on to posit that the narcissism disorder is a "special kind of self-absorption: a grandiose sense of self, a serious miscalculation of one’s abilities and potential that is often accompanied by fantasies of greatness." You know what, that sums up about 90% of the people in the world.

And this thought circles me back to the notion that everyone should be challenged or bear a heavy cross at least once in their lives in order to not only get a sense of self, but to be able to empathize with others.  How else are we going to feel anything for our hurting neighbor if we don't know or can't sense what they're going though? After all, if we aren't able to do this, we deserve nothing more than to be stuck on a broken down ocean-liner in the middle of the sea for at least two weeks. Wouldn't you agree?