The Kardashian virus is spreading like wildfire and I've had enough. I'm looking for a potent, resistant vaccine--once and for all.

Several of today's various tabloid posts detail how traumatized Khloe Kardashian is because she's the "fatter," "bigger" sister who's often referred to as being a "transvestite." She laments her size and the fact that she just can't keep up with her svelt sisters and the fact that her own husband said she wasn't "small." I think I want to step into a boiling vat of water. First, how is this news? Second, who cares? And third, I have absolutely zero sympathy for Khloe. If she hates the limelight so much, it'd behoove her to stop following her sisters around like a lost puppy dog, stop calling in the paparazzi every time she walks out her front door in some new outfit that she managed to sausage her Wookie-esque body into, and stop overly dramatizing her pregnant/not pregnant status. Really, the activities of her uterus are simply not interesting nor are they even remotely entertaining to ponder.

Kim, of course, is famous because her behind is virtually comparable in size to the island of Malta. See Exhibit A to the left. She should really attach a rear-view camera on that thing because she could hurt someone if she backs up without paying attention. Part of me thinks that she actually had implants put in her derriere to make herself, literally, the center of attention. Ask yourself: what has Kim Kardashian really done to deserve all her fame and money? The answer is nothing other than having a larger backside than anyone alive. Put another way: Kim is famous because her butt is like nothing else that exists in nature.

So, I have to ask, what is it about the Kardashians that keeps them in spotlight and why are we so gosh darn addicted to their every move? Here's my two cents. The Kardashians are a rare breed in celebrity land--their Armenian. Their father put their name into our minds because he was not only best friends with O.J. Simpson, but he served on O.J.'s 'dream team,' getting the murderer off for slaughtering his wife and her friend. After the media circus of that trial, the attorneys' names became a well known part of our celeb lexicon.

Next, growing up and actually up until recently, Kim Kardashian was best-friends with Paris Hilton, who, much like Kim, is popular for absolutely nothing and has zero talent. Paris, though, had the unique ability of always managing to thrust herself in front of the paparazzi. She hogged the spotlight at any chance she could get and Kim was sure to trail close at hand. After riding on Paris' coattails  for a while, Kim wanted her own spotlight. Ever the resolute little Einstein, she decided (in her infinite wisdom) to make and release a sex tape with actor Ray J to get some media attention. Sure enough, she got it. The sex tape, in my humble opinion, did little else than highlight her mediocrity and her half-baked personality, but it did highlight her ass-ets and successfully managed to propel her into that desired trashy celeb realm. Shortly after the tape's release, the Kardashian clan seized on Kim's prowess and proceeded to befriend Ryan Seacrest who has really become a sort of  "mover and shaker" in Hollywood. Why Seacrest decided that it would be a good idea to make a reality show with this bunch of nuts is still mind-boggling but he sure made bank on it. Keeping up with the Kardashians is doing quite well and is, for all intents and purposes, a cash cow.

Now, the Kardashian girls simply can't make up  their minds on who they'd like to date or marry or attack in order to keep their spotlights going. Kim's antics with Reggie Bush and other athletes have bored us, ad nauseum, on countless occasions. Khloe, who used to date Rashad McCants, an NBA star, has happily and fattily (yes, I just made up that word) settled down and married Lamar Odom. We're all waiting for their divorce to be announced. Other than their strange bedfellows, like Kourtney's neurotic and unstable baby-dady, there's been plenty of magazine and promotional advertising including Playboy that has just kept the Kardashian monster blazing before our eyes.

So what are we going to do about this? I, for one, am tired of seeing the Kardashians proliferating and hijacking every corner of my life. Just this past Saturday I was quietly enjoying my afternoon perusing the local bookstore and was accosted by Kardashian books and magazines on at least three occasions. This is all our fault, people! We should all do penance for keeping this gluttonous, useless and meaningless Kardashian sow alive. Let's band together and just start ignoring these fools and take back our own precious mind space we're squandering for nothing!