I'm never at a loss for words. Well, at least not typically. Today, however, I lost my voice. Somewhere between my eyes talking to my brain and processing that what I was seeing was about to make me vomit, I lost my ability to be my snarky, obnoxious self.

It being a most glorious day, with the sun shining and the temperatures rising, I decided to forgo my usual ride to grab lunch and walked my plump self to the market instead. Too bad it seems that many other people opted for the same lunchtime stroll--including some major freaks of nature. At the intersection of Elm and Rush, I saw a man equipped with a red fishnet stocking skull cap, a heavy sweater and fitted jeans, mosey in front of a parked van and lift up his entire shirt, exposing his gluttonous beerbelly, apparently with the aim of getting some sun. In the process of sunning himself--some might say, a completely innocuous activity--the man began to look around and get visibly excited. His pants began to bulge out and he, upon obviously being cognizant of his aroused state, decided to pull out his trouser snake, probably to give him some sun too.

What do you do when you're confronted with such a display? My initial reaction was to watch and see what happens but I think instinct kicked in and I shuffled away very, very quickly down the street and away from the line of fire. Part of me regrets not sticking around for the show--as I'm sure the police swooped down and put an end to his party of one--but another part of me now wishes I had screamed at him to snap out of it.

There's a lot of times I want to scream at people. Do you ever have that happen to you? You see or read something that just pushes the wrong button and gets you all sorts of animated? This redhead has a lot of those buttons. One was pushed by Silvio Berlusconi's recent comments in light of his criminal charges and impending trial that he paid for sex with a Moroccan minor and then used his office and influence to try to cover up his crimes. Berlusconi said that there's no way that he could have done what has been alleged because "even though [he] is a little mischievous..33 girls in two months" is just too much for his 74-year-old self. Come again? On second thought, bad choice of words. But seriously Berlusconi, it may seem funny to you or may even stroke your ego but you're facing criminal charges. And these charges relate to one girl. Let's not highlight your sexual moral bankruptcy and make light of the situation. You're a pig and we know all about your "bunga bunga" parties. In fact, I think you put King Henry VIII to shame with your impropriety and looseness, for lack of a better term.

Finally, I'd love to just try to smack the daylights out of Rod Blagojevich. Our former esteemed governor just can't shut up. Today, he punctuated his heightened degree of lunacy on a morning radio show when he described his arrest and charges by the FBI as his own "tsunami." Wow, really Rod? First, talk about bad taste; but then again, when did you ever demonstrate even an iota of good taste? Second and more importantly though, need I remind you that a tsunami isn't self-inflicted? Your own actions made your little world cave in. Much like Gilbert Gottfried getting fired from Aflac for his terrible jokes at the Japanese people's expense, someone should just muzzle Rod once and for all. Can he please just go away?